Changing From a Family Church to a Church for Families
What is the difference between a family church and a church for families?
In a family church, the leadership is more concerned about what one or two families will say or think, than they are about leading families to ultimate freedom in Christ.
When we narrow the scope of our congregation to one or two families, we exclude the rest of the community we are trying to reach.
For that reason I have always determined that I would not allow the wants and whelms of a small group of people narrow the scope of the entire organization.
Recently, we dedicated nine babies in one weekend across two services. This used to be an individual event, but as the church has grown, we have to understand the difference between a family church and a church for families.
Setting the bar for this was my own family. We dedicated Emmanuel Cruz Foster (then four weeks old) at the same time as we dedicated six others in that service.
As we reach more people there are a few things that you have to just make a call on, in order to reach more people, group baby dedications is just one of the many examples to a church going from a family church to a church that reaches families.
How do you think people handle the transition between a family church and a church for families? Are there any obstacles?
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27 Comments
June 2, 2010 at 6:49 am
I will have to say that I have spent time in both of these types of churches. When I was in a family church, I felt “outside of the circle”. There was a feeling of “works” that needed to be completed on an ongoing basis. However, in a church that is dedicated to reaching families I found a more compassionate environment, a place that felt like home. A home I know that I can always go back to and one that has invested in my family and recognizes where the heart is.
June 2, 2010 at 9:24 am
Great insight, especially on “works ” In family churches people feel that the work is up to the Pastor, however we know this is not a biblical model, the biblical job of the pastor is to train the people in the work of the ministry.
To many pastors do work alone.
If you are a pastor you should never do work alone if you do you limit the exponential power of discipleship.
June 2, 2010 at 7:06 am
From personal experience, I MUCH prefer a church for families! The church I was raised in was very much a family church. It was very political and you could always feel the tension between the different view points. Sure, having “center stage” was nice for baby dedications and such, but in the long run, I realize that the WHOLE church IS my family and I should be proud to share such moments with other members of my “family.” The greatest part of FLC is that most of our families are new and are not corrupted by the views of a family church. They don’t know how political and complicated churches can be so they are happy with what we offer…which happens to be fabulous!
June 2, 2010 at 9:26 am
So true Ray Ray.
How do you think the family church model limits reaching the lost?
June 2, 2010 at 8:41 am
I too have been a part of both types of churches. And to be honest, at times, it is more comfortable to be a part of a family church.
Your ideas are heard, you personally know the pastor, there is a sense of great community but those things don’t matter if people aren’t being reached.
Cookouts with Friends < Reaching People.
"The church is the only organization that exists for the benefit of non-members"
June 2, 2010 at 9:21 am
Great point Blane, Jesus didn’t die so the church could be comfortable, He died to seek and save all who are lost.
June 2, 2010 at 1:36 pm
I have been involved in both a family church and a church for families – and I definitely prefer a church for families. The church I grew up in was definitely a family church and it will close by the end of this summer. Sad, but the reason is because the members did not want change, they did not invite strangers – the people who go there are descendants of the founders of the church and if you didn’t belong – you were treated like you didn’t belong. While FLC has grown since Bob and I began attending, it certainly has not lost the focus of it’s motto: “The church that love is building”. I know many family churches who dedicate or baptize their infants as a group; so to me, this does not separate a family church from a church for families. Nor does it mean that we are moving from a family church to a church for families. What separates a family church from a church for families is that the pastor goes in the direction God is pointing -regardless of man’s opinion. The pastor doesn’t allow deacon’s, elders, or leaders (or people who give the most money to the church) opinions to cloud the vision that God has clearly given to him. The most popular choice is not always right and the right choice is not always the most popular. People who see that you (Chris) are not led by “powerful” people’s opinions or the latest trend in “doing church”, will know that FLC is a church for families because God is for families and you (Chris) are led by God.
June 2, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Wow thanks so much for the encouragement! I agree with your definition that distinguishes the two types, because this is not about size this is about leadership style and following God’s great commission not mans manipulations.
June 2, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I have recently resigned from being the Children’s Director at the church my husband and I have been apart of for the past 15 years as a family – but what you talked about was the very reason we decided to leave that church after such a long time. This was something that we spent months in prayer about because we didn’t want to miss God. I am not saying that it was not a good church but we felt that only a certain group were being ministered to instead of the entire church body. Your blog reaffirmed in my spirit that God is in control and there are others out there feeling the same way. God is a on time God!
June 2, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Glad we can affirm what God directed in your life, Joani. There is a place that you guys can serve that has a vision to reach everyone. I have to give your mad props for hearing and following God’s direction, because the reality is blessing come with obedience. Often when spiritual leaders don’t get it right there is an underlining guilt that we face until God shows us yet again that we are following His voice. I pray any of that is gone, that you can bless the other leadership and move on to the great things that God has in store for your life!
June 2, 2010 at 5:07 pm
i’ve been both type of churches before and i’ve got to say the church for families is a home for me.
June 2, 2010 at 6:31 pm
Vana
What about it is right for you? just curious
June 2, 2010 at 5:14 pm
I have been a part of a family church and a church for families as well. i definitely like the church for families better. it feels like everyone is cared about and the pastor’s focus isn’t just on one family’s opinion. there can be obstacles in transitioning from a family church to a church for families because some people may want just their opinion to be heard over everyone else and wont be willing to agree as a whole church on a subject but i think once someone is part of a church for families they will not want to go back to just a family church
June 2, 2010 at 6:34 pm
JRH,
What are some of those obstacles in transitioning and for Joni and others that may be making that transition what can you say to help make it smooth?
June 2, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I’ve witnessed both types of churches, and both can have its ups and downs. Honestly I do not know which one is better. I think a mix of the two would make for a better church… and church family.
June 2, 2010 at 6:36 pm
PNM,
What is the best of both situation and could they be combined, yet stay on mission?
June 2, 2010 at 10:40 pm
i think feeding and agreaing with PNM you could have a good mix. As some people said that a family church is kinda like a cliq were you dont really fit in. but in a church for family is great because its for all familys, but if we could reach and welcome all familys then have groups for familys that have kids with close age. so the parents can feed off of each other and build stronger relationships with each other and all so tie it in with bible study witch will bring them closer to God, witch will make the church a lot stronger. i think that is a great way to make people feel more a part of the church and not just growing and to make friends and all so the kids can grow together.
June 2, 2010 at 5:35 pm
I have been to 2 main types of churches.
One like this one and a really southern baptist church. For me there was no pain in transition, but a BIG change in style. I was used to the preacher jumping on pews and screaming. Here is more subtle and not really the screaming type of place but its not a bad thing. I like it here more than anything. It is for sure a unique experience too witness God and his power.
June 2, 2010 at 6:40 pm
That’s great insight, I also came from a church background that it seemed the sermon wasn’t good unless the pastor “Yelled it like it is” I have to admit when I started out I was somewhat of a yeller. lol
Mostly because I thought that was what I was supposed to do lol.
These days I still get excited, but I have learned that God’s word is what is powerful, and whether I whisper it or yell it it doesn’t matter so I may as well let people leave without thinking God or I either one are mad at them.
I’m with you on God’s presence, can’t live without it
As I begin to grow in my walk
June 2, 2010 at 5:37 pm
but what I forgot to mention was this church, being it a church for families I like this one lol
June 2, 2010 at 7:21 pm
You asked me, “How do you think the family church model limits reaching the lost?”
I will never forget the awkwardness of having a family that was “different” walk into our church. They were different because their skin was a different shade or they were obviously less fortunate than the majority of the members. It made my skin crawl to think that people could be so cruel! Marty and I are a perfect example. As you know, Caleb was conceived before we were married, and I will never forget the judgment and horribly rude comments that were made to/about us. That’s when you and Courtney decided to love us regardless of our circumstances. THAT is a church that love is building! THAT is a church FOR families! You never, EVER made us feel judged or less apart of the family of God….your arms were open to us when the family church turned their back on us. The family church limits reaching the lost because it is self-centered and judgemental. If we TRULY love like Jesus, we will not judge people but encourage and love them when the rest of the world won’t…
June 3, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Wow what a great reminder on really sad terms, but this unfortunately is so very true for so many churches. what is really sad is the church had the opportunity to win Gandhi to Christ he was interested in becoming a christian but due to racism in south africa he refused.
June 2, 2010 at 9:22 pm
That is preachin, Ray Ray! That is my favorite thing about a church for families, that ALL families are welcome, not just the “right” families. That is a true Christian community, when people of all backgrounds, colors, ages, social classes, and types of families come together with the purpose of loving on and learning about God, and then taking that love out into the world, which includes ALL the people that walk through the doors.
June 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm
what is so funny about the “right families” is without the gift of calvary none of us would be “right” man with their evil greedy and prideful intentions judge people predicated on the price of their clothes instead of understanding that they them selves are “poor wretched, naked and blind”
June 3, 2010 at 11:42 am
I love that FLC is a church for families. It’s not exactly that a “family church” is bad. It can be warm and cozy and comfortable. But when we are feeling those things, we tend to get lazy about serving God. Serving is doing something. It’s stepping out and reaching out. If the only people in church are your family, then how are those who are lost going to discover Christ and experience His love?
June 3, 2010 at 3:53 pm
God desires us to be comfortably uncomfortable
June 3, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I have also been a part of both types of churches and I much prefer the church of families. My family has recently looked at the possibility of relocating for better employment opportunities and the one thing that weighs heaviest on our minds is how will we ever find a church that we feel as much a part of as FLC. We love our church and have become members of the family. The mission of FLC is in our hearts and we want to be around to fulfill that mission…